Girl, Totally Brilliant, Completely Insane
by MINDFREAK-DA-DRUMMA
Summary: Hermione Granger is a Muggleborn witch, best friends with Harry and Ron. Usually rational, very smart, and an utter bookworm. This is how we've know her. But what happens when she returns to face her 'muggle' friends? Set after First Year.
1. The Beginning

_**Author's Note**_ I'd like to thank a few people now: First of all, to Garyf- for putting up with my and my 50 million chapters of this chapter alone.

To everybody who posted in my Character help thread, who helped with pointers for my girls.

And to Jules; my co-writer at one time, who kept me from just balling this up and chucking it in the trash.

I would also like to say, that this same story is also posted on Mugglenet, as well as another story of mine. I won't post that one yet, but to anyone who had read it on Mugglenet, I may be able to update thisone more than I can on mugglenet, seeing as they are more strict.

**_Disclaimer: I do not own any mention of Harry Potter, but you all knew that, didn't you? However, Meara, Audrey, Halwen, and Catrin are MINE!_**  
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_Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart.-Unknown_

_---_

"Halwen! **HALWEN! HEEL!** I said heel you bloody mutt, **HEEL!**"

The giant, shaggy dog did not pay heed to Meara, who she was currently dragging along behind. Her lead and collar were useless as the gray brute galloped onwards, tongue lolling in a heavy pant.

_Of all the crappy first days of summer vacation_, she thought, _this one takes the cake._ Not only had she been banned from sleeping in early, something she swore was illegal and punishable by law for anybody under working age, but now Halwen had decided to play fetch with the neighbors tabby. They'd already been through eight privets, down numerous sidewalks, and reduced various lawn ornaments to rubble.

Luckily, Halwen was not in the mood to steeple jump. Coming up on a high chain-link fence, she dug her paws into the ground, tearing up a once well kept ornamental garden. Her joyous barks were suddenly cut off, and the abrupt end to the wolfhound's full-out run sent her owner flying to the hard metal wall of links.

The tinkling chinks resounded as her body crashed into it, ringing even louder in her head, which was steadily beginning to throb as she slid to the ground with a thump. She sat there for a moment, wishing for what had to be the third time that morning that she hadn't even bothered to be dragged out of bed, wondering why the McNamara family couldn't just have a gerbil instead.

Halwen, despite her bulk, figured herself a lapdog, and immediately padded over to Meara's nearly prone form, wriggling herself up onto her legs and spreading across them as if she had no reason to question why she was there.

"Gerroff, Halwen! I can't get up!" Meara groaned angrily. The ragged dog gave her an incredibly indignantly look as if to say: 'You've no right to tell me to get off, I own you, and right now I want the legs.' Then, as if to rub it in even more, leaned in without disturbing her comfortable position, and gave her a heavy, slurping kiss across the middle of her face.

**"HALWEN!"** she screeched, finally shoving at the big dog's sides with what she could recover of her might, and sliding her off her legs. Getting groggily to her feet she made as if to grab at the hound's collar and thoroughly ring the longish neck, but the wolfhound danced rapidly out of the way, realizing, if very, very late, that she'd done something wrong.

Meara seethed for a moment, lashing out at the fence, rather than now at the prancing pooch at her side, wiping the remnants of the doggy kiss from her face with disgust. She hadn't even realized that somebody had been watching until Halwen froze, then bounded off with her lead trailing behind her like a banner, beginning another chorus of frenzied barking.

"Morning Halwen!" said a genuinely perky voice, though a fair bit breathy. "Good girl. Sit, no, sit. Have you been a good girl, it's nice of you to be taking Meara for her walk, you know."

"I don't bloody believe it!" Meara sighed, exasperated.

Catrin Ware, a school friend since her younger years, that tiny waif of a thing, who even now still looked like she could be a preschooler, was gently if cautiously petting a calmed Halwen who was sitting on her slippered feet, tail thwacking her ankle several times. Timid little Catrin was afraid of nearly anything bigger than her (which, Halwen most definitely was, standing on her hind legs at least), but still the hound listened to her more than she did her owner!

Catrin looked up, giving her the tiny little 'I'm-biting-my-lip smile', looking totally bedraggled, her curly hair a mass of sticking-up cowlicks, and still in her nightgown and slippers.

"Morning Meara."

"What're you doing here, Catrin?" mumbled Meara. "I thought you would've been sleeping in this morning," which was a true enough fact, the oldest Ware had always defeated her in the 'sleeping-in' department.

"Something wrong?"

"Well, two reasons, actually. One, I was woken up. Seems somebody thoroughly smashed the garden turtle on our lawn...Mrs. Chadwick next door swore it was a dog, but who would've let their dog out like that?"

Meara turned visibly pink, she thought one of the houses looked familiar as she went rushing by it and became suddenly very interested in a particularly unruly tress.

"Ye..yeah...probably just some vandals, Catrin, nothing to worry about. Mrs. Chadwick's off her rocker. What's the second reason?"

Now it was Catrin's turn to look nervous, but instead of going red, she turned considerably pale. "You're probably going to kill me for this, but, well, when I was heading through the kitchen this morning, I found a letter on the table."

She quickly pulled out a letter from her nightdress pocket. "Mum must've forgotten to give it to me last night before she left for her meeting in London. It's from Herm..."

Meara had already rapidly snatched up the letter though, she recognized the handwriting on the envelope immediately, and had begun to greedily tear at the backing of the odd yellow-paper stationary. Herm, or Hermione Granger had been another of her school friends, along with Catrin and Audrey. They had been close nit ever since they'd started schooling together.

Although undeniably inseparable, for the best part of six years (the past three of those years spent using Hermione's own working habits to help in her own school career) each had sworn this year would be their best yet. Hermione had broken the news of her acceptance into 'a rather exclusive boarding school'.

Supposedly it was for extremely advanced children, which Hermione in many ways undoubtedly was, but that meant they would be separated until the summer holidays, without much letter correspondence (though she'd sent them Christmas and birthday cards each, and one particularly rock-like fruitcake). Even though she'd come home for the Christmas holidays, neither of her friends had seen her before she would have to hurry back.

So now, news coming so soon to the time when they'd be reunited again, was eagerly received as Meara read aloud:

**_Dear Cat, Mea, and Rey _**

I'll be home soon, like I said. Hope you're glad to know that Harris' school was utterly, well it was, it was…well I consider it a unique experience. Still missed you guys though, and hope you liked the fruitcake.

Anyway, I'll try to see you the first day of summer hols when we get home from the station (honestly, it really is interesting the first time on a train, you've got to try it sometime) Sadly, I won't be home for the whole summer: I've been invited to stay with other school friends for a bit.

Can't wait to see you all. Missed you insanely,

Hermione.

Catrin looked somewhat crestfallen when Meara looked up.

"She's not staying for the whole summer? But she said she'd be staying the whole summer, she promised she would," she said, sounding as childish as she looked. Meara felt like smacking her when she did that.

"Don't worry about it, Catrin, we'll get to see her for a bit, at least," she reasoned.  
"Think Rey knows?"

"More than likely. She lives on the same street as the Grangers, doesn't she? She would've found out before we did."

She made a grasp, catching the now placid wolfhound's collar, taking up the lead again.  
"Come on, she might be there already, we can meet her right at the door."

Catrin's face seemed to light up a little bit at that.

"Yeah, your right! I bet you the two of them are already up in Audrey's kitchen or something," she said, supposedly forgetting she was still dressed in fuzzy nightgown and slippers.

Meara didn't say anything, stuffing Hermione's note into her pocket, wondering how far she'd get before Catrin figured it out for herself.

"Yeah, maybe they'll have breakfast out too. I'm dying for something to eat."

As she finished, Halwen barked her agreement, her tail beginning its frenzied wag again as she began to lop off again, only slightly dragging Meara along behind her this time, with Catrin keeping pase.

Only slightly.


	2. Audrey's Quiet Morning

_**Author's Note**_ I'd like to thank alot of people. For my readers and reviews, for, first of all, reading this and giving me feedback on my idea, not to mention handling my delay. Secondly, Gary, who when I lost my first draft with my computer being evil deleted my last six chapters, had saved my second chapter on his own computer. And thirdly to Butterflykisses, who has now become me second beta and who helped me after my story was rejected for the second time

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, but any characters you do not recodnise from the Harry Potter books are mine._

_---_

Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm-Unknown

_---_

Audrey Anbury had been looking forwards to this day all week. It wasn't like anybody else would think it special, oh no. However, today was a day Audrey had very few like in the past. It was a day when both of her parents out of town, and she was almost guaranteed not to be bothered by her friends until noon.

So far she was making the most of it. She'd stayed in bed nearly two hours past her usual time, then had woken up, and dressed befitting for a lazy morning in, namely throwing a lilac bath robe over her nightclothes, and placing her feet in slippers for protection from the cold floor. Taking several minutes, she busily went around to feed each of her pets, and petting one or two of them, before taking Tucker out of his larger pen and settling him on his customary perch on her shoulder, the tawny ferret, already the loudest thing in the house, churring loudly.

After this, she leisurely padded downstairs and into the kitchen, in mind of preparing several pieces of toast and one strong mug of coffee before settling down in the empty sitting room to enjoy the sounds of silence.

Balancing a plate and mug in both hands, she entered the totally empty living room...

Or what _should_ have been a totally empty living room.

"What the hell? What the **HELL** ?" she screamed, simultaneously dropping the platter with her breakfast on it and grabbing for the nearest thing she could find -a mop- and brandishing it as a weapon towards whoever stood in the middle of the living room, her living room, completely uninvited.

The person turned around quickly, but Audrey was in such a panic that she didn't even register who'd face it was.

" Get.out.of.my.house!" she screeched, swinging at the person with the stick end of her makeshift weapon. " I will call the police!" she crowed, jabbing out with the mop's handle, as if to parry an assault, though the intruder had shown no signs of coming towards her. As if afraid, she felt Tucker shift on her shoulder, behind the hair that was haphazardly draped over the robe's shoulder.

"Audrey, Audrey stop that! It's me- OUCH! Audrey for the sake of keeping my body in one piece I'll leave. So much for surprising you..."

Audrey froze, all the color suddenly leeching from her face. Heaving slightly, she scanned the person before her. Now everything about this person seemed familiar, although she hadn't seen her since the end of last August. The bushy brown hair, was perhaps a little bushier than she remembered, but still recognizable. The eyes, and the face now, which was frowning heavily as the person reached down to rub her tender thigh where she'd berated it with the mop moments before. Immediately, she felt her 'weapon' drop from her hands and onto the pile of mess that had once been her breakfast.

"Oh god, no. Hermione, no. Oh...God sit down. I didn't know...I forgot you were going to be...I didn't know anybody could get into the house...You were so quiet...I didn't know...Oh...Oh..." she mumbled, shakily approaching her long-time friend warily, half expecting to lashed out at.

"S'alright," was Hermione's reply, a rue smile crossing her face. "Learned something though. Don't ever use the spare key under the flowerpot to get into Rey's house, especially in the morning and if you want to leave with the same number of injuries as you came in with." she plopped down heavily onto the couch, wincing as she moved her battered leg up onto the cushions. "You've learned something over the term; taking lessons from Meara, have we?"

Audrey sat down beside her, hands still shaking slightly. " You were so quiet I hadn't even realized you were there." her laughing was light, a little higher in pitch than usual for her, bordering on hysterical. "Honestly, I'm so sorry. When...When did you get back, anyway?"

"Last night, we pulled in after dark." Hermione supplied casually, still a little hesitive, it seemed, to move with any fast movements, as if expecting Audrey to go grab the mop again, although any thought of being a rampaging murder and threats of calls placed to authorities had vanished from her friend's tone now.

"And school? How was school?" Audrey asked, seeming intrigued.

Hermione's face changed. It wasn't a look of pain, or happiness, or worried. In fact, Audrey didn't know what to make of it. To her it almost seemed like she was deep in thought, as if trying to think of what to say.

_But who would ever need to think of anything to answer such a simple question_ Audrey asked herself, watching the change. _It was either good or bad, was it not? Straightforward._

"It was...Interesting." she finally admitted. "Yes, it was definitely interesting." she seemed to grow more confident the second time around, deciding on her answer, and even nodding rapidly to emphasize.

Tucker reappear from his spot on Audrey's shoulder, peering out from a tossled curtain of dulled blonde hair, sniffing the air, beady eyes on Hermione.

"Hey Tuck. " Hermione said lightly, almost sounding happier at the ferret's appearance and the possibility of distraction. "Haven't see you in a while, miss me? Haven't gotten anything on me though." The ferret seemed to ignore her, and Audrey outstretched her hand so the ferret could move down it, and into the hands Hermione cupped to hold the little body. As soon as he reached the fully-clothed girl, he begin sticking his head into the pocket of her sweater in search of treats that she already said she didn't have, nonetheless.

Audrey's stomach growled hungrily itself, making her finally remember the meal which was now soaking into the carpet, and the fact that she'd hadn't eaten anything since the night before. "Just a sec. Want to have anything to eat?" Audrey called over her shoulder, moving off into the kitchen, sidestepping the mess, and promising to clean it up later. She wasn't exactly know for her culinary art, but at least it may be enough to repay Hermione for the earlier unprovoked attack.

"Ah, no thanks." Hermione declined hurriedly. Audrey bustled about like a madman, piling a plate with more toast and bringing another kettle to boil for the second time that morning, not bothering to answer her, for the simple fact that her friend seemed to be unwilling to talk that morning.

Oddly enough, the other girl's voice drifted into the kitchen from where she sat, now almost willing to talk. "Can't wait to see Meara and Catrin again." Audrey could see over her shoulder that she was petting the ferret, her face turning to a mask of relaxation. As to why she was not relaxed before, Audrey could not even think of one explanation.

"Oh yeah...they haven't changed a bit since you left though, so don't expect anything extravagant." It was true. Catrin was still the mouse girl who everybody gnawed at, and Meara was...Well, she was still Meara. There was no real, easy what to explain her red-headed friend. "All of us are probably different from the crowd at...What'd you call it...'Harris'?"

"Yeah, that was it." she replied, " And no, none of you guys are like the people I met at school. People at Harris' are, well, they're different."

A sudden movement from Audrey's arm cause the mug she'd set out to tip over, rolling across the counter. Interesting? Different? What had they done with Hermione that had made her stop her usually descriptions, ones that Meara often said could 'fill at least three pages with the tiniest type imaginable'. Was the small descriptions her fault? Had she said something, done something that was different. No, the only new thing she'd done that morning was branish her mop, and she'd only hit her outside the leg, not outside the head!

Was it possible that Hermione, now the member of a prestigious school, had become stuck up? Did she think that she was now unworthy of knowing anything about the past months, since she had slightly less academic knowledge than herself. Did Audrey dare think Hermione had changed so rapidly in relatively little time.

She scolded herself, setting the mug on it's end again. She was worried, but surely she could put on a front. She had seen her mother act as if nothing was wrong, and she could do it now!

"Well I guess so." Audrey stepped back into the living room, plate piled high with buttered toast and her second mug grasped tightly in both hands, mouth parted in a tooth and somewhat manic smile. "They're all gifted!"

_"A little more gifted than you think."_

"Hm...What was that?"

"Nothing. I said nothing."

Audrey raise a thin, whitish eyebrow, her smile widening even more, her nose and eyes nearly squishing shut. She wanted to know what was going on, and what Hermione had so quietly murmured. She just had to keep up the front a little longer...

"Come on, you can tell me, can't ya?"

"Err...Audrey, are you okay?"

"Okay, why wouldn't I be okay? I'm perfectly fine...In fact more fine than I ever was fine since your back and fine and I'm all ready to hear about your school and all your classes and what happened and the students and what happened and what it looked like and every single thing you learned and-"

"Audrey take a breath.."

"And how I bet everyone thought you were just brilliant and-"

"Your hands are shaking...You'll have tea all over yourself..."

"How all the popular people swarmed around you and-"

" B Audrey/B " Her name was spoken with such force that Audrey froze in mid-sentence. Only now did she notice that Hermione had sat up and lean outwards from the couch to grasp her shoulder roughly. Her mouth ached from the over-broad grin, and a puddle of scalding water had fallen from the cup in her unsteady hand to land on her slipper and soak throughout to burn her toes.

"What?" She asked innocently, staring back into the quizzical, concerned face.

"Lay off the caffeine, Rey." Hermione said lightly, thought undoubtedly serious.

"Oh...Well...Alright then." Regaining what little grace she had left after the trying morning, and sitting down on the couch. She couldn't help but notice that Hermione seemed to edge away either to get away from her or to get closer to the front door, or, most likely, both.

I'll have to try again. She said to herself, but much subtler. What she needed to do, was think of how exactly she was going to go about it.

Audrey finally opened her mouth to speak, but at that moment, with possibly the most unwelcome and awkward timing imaginable, the doorbell rang. The brilliant interrogation she was about to speak was lost with that momentary distraction, and she couldn't help but groan aloud in frustration, and wince as she heard the muffled noise from the behind the door.

Specifically, it was two all-too-familiar voices. And if she could have personally chosen the worst possible time that they could show up, than this, undoubtedly, was it.


	3. The Gang's All Here!

**_Author's Note:_** This is the third chapter! Finally! It was, originally, part of the second chapter, but I added much more into the beginning, and decided to split it in half instead. The fourth chapter, in turn, is also a tiny, tiny bit of the second chapter, about three or four paragraphs. However, I thought it better if I split it up a tad.

**_Disclaimer:_ I_ do not _own Harry Potter. Plain? Simple? However, I _do_ own Meara, Catrin, Audrey, Halwen, Audrey's 'menagerie', and they parents/siblings. So, in the case of them-NO TOUCHY!**

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_What is the answer? In that case, what is the question?- Gertrude Stein_

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"There's a car in the driveway! You're right! I wonder if she's up?"

"Shh, Catrin, be quiet. You don't know if Audreys still asleep or not. We've gotta whisper, be as quite as we- hey, the key's not under the flowerpot."

Furious knocking erupted from the door.

"Hey Rey! **RE-EY! ARE YOU AWAKE, AUDREY! SOMEONES TAKEN YOUR HOUSE KEY FROM UNDER THE FLOWERPOT!"**

Audrey buried her head in one hand. Did it have to be one of those days when every went wrong! First she welcomes an old friend with aggravated assault, and now Meara was attempting to not wake her up by screaming at her front door and pounding on it like a angry elephant.

_Calm down Audrey, calm down. Your mom always said you had the ideals of a saint-_

**"WHY ARN'T YOU ANSWERING THE DOOR REY? COME ON, ARE YOU ASLEEP?"**

_-Just not the patience of one._

Audrey steeled herself, taking deep soothing breaths, picked up her tea and slowly went to get the door. It wasn't helping that Hermione still sat on the couch, covering her mouth to muffle her laughter.

As she turned the lock on the inside, Audrey was bombarded almost immediately. First, by Halwen, the giant wolfhound making a great circle run around her legs, leash dangling, before spotting Tucker and deciding to go give the ferret an experimental sniff. Next, Catrin shuffled by somewhat meekly, and for some reasons still in her nightdress. Finally, there was Meara herself, who did not seem to shut her mouth once since she walked through the doorway.

"Hey Audrey, I didn't wake you did I? You wouldn't mind either way. Just stopping by. Wanted to tell you anyways, Catrin's got a letter, Hermione's going to be home today. Her cars in the driveway too. We're going to stop there next but we figured we better come get you first- Oh hey, nevermind! She's already here. Ohhhh... is that toast."

"Uh, yeah.." Audrey smiled and nodded, hardly believing that she'd been able to get a word in edgewise. She was smart, and yet, she still hardly understood a thing Meara rattled off. She hadn't even realized that her hand had begun to shake again, spilling coffee out onto the floor. Luckily, Meara'd moved on to interrogating Hermione now, while she and Catrin proceeded on devouring her second attempt at a meal that day.

"Hey, Hermione, How'd school go?" Mused Catrin.

"I bet the first thing you hit was the library...they had a library there, right?" Meara enthused around a mouthful of toast.

"It was...good. And of course there was a library. It is a-"

"I bet you would've died without a library. Of course, you did bring enough with you to start your own. But how'd you do. Did you get a report card yet? Mum's not too happy with mine...seeing as I didn't have you to copy off've this year, and Audrey's a spoil-sport about it. Oy, get over here and stop trying to eat the ferret!" Meara tugged hard on Halwen leash, pulling the dog away from Hermione and Tucker, seeing as He'd stopped sniffing and started to eye the ferret with longing, tongue lolling.

"S'a good think then..Maybe you'll learn something, Like how to do things for yourself. Besides, my notes were stretched around as it was.."

"Really?" Catrin asked, taking a swallow of her own breakfast. " I though they'd all be as smart as you. I mean, or, do you mean, that people used your notes for examples? Wow, Hermione! Then you're better than some of the kids at Harris'... Your better than normal geniuses!"

"Uh...No Catrin, I'm not. I just lent them to my friends when they were... Sick."

"Oooooo, No, Granger. You better not have made any better friends at that haughty school of yours. Next thing you know, you'll be leavin' us all in the dust. Won't even remember that we were the first three who actually bothered to put up with you." Finishing her last piece, Meara reached for another slices of toast, but losing it halfway back to Halwen, who snapped in up eagerly.

"Are you nuts! I'd never forget you guys. I'd expect you to forget us first, sieve for brains! Besides, I only got really friendly with two guys who-"

Catrin's eyebrows shot up, and she giggled. The usually shy girl seemed to take Meara's place for a moment, seeing as she was busy berating Halwen and lamenting after her second piece of breakfast. " So you've hooked yourself two boys then, Hermione? Ah...well maybe you've learn a bit from Meara after all. Imagine that, someone learning something from Meara.

Meara's cold glare turned with lightening speed from the dog to Catrin, who shrunk back under it.

"Er... Ah... No... Not at all... What I ment was... They're just friends... Like you guys... Nothing whatsoever different... Exactly the same, in fact."

Audrey listened, not wanting nor able to interrupt Meara and Catrin's constant stream of questions guided at Hermione. While she didn't do the talking, Audrey listened and watched Hermione. She seemed odd, almost reluctant, to answer a few of the questions asked, which didn't seem that odd. Most of her answers were along the lines of being very short, and she didn't want to embellish anything. All throughout the constant chat, Hermione wore the same odd expression, as if she were trying to thing up the right answers again and again while skirting touchier questions about the school. This, especially from Hermione, was strange behavior indeed

"Well, we'll got to come and visit sometime!" Catrin piped up once more, when Meara stopped looking at her. Audrey swore Hermione looked close to swooning,

"They don't have a visitor day." She replied simply, and that basically ended the conversation right there.

Audrey couldn't think for a moment. "Meara...why did you bring Halwen with you?" She finally asked.

"Well, I was supposed to walk...ohhhhh." She groaned. "I uh, I have to go. Mom thinks I was going to be five minutes.

"When was that?" Audrey asked.

"Three hours ago." She added quickly. "Come on, Catrin. Mum likes you, you explain it to her." She said, grabbing Cat round the arm and making a record dash for the door and out it, almost forgetting Halwen behind in the process. The giant wolfhound bounded after her and down the street.

Hermione seemed to relax a little more now, as if she'd just finished a lie detector test and passed. " God I missed them. I'm so used to them coming around, it just wasn't the same." She said as she slumped back.

"Funny. I'm not sure I'll ever get that used to them." Murmured Audrey as a reply, lifting the mug early to her lips. Right now, she could do without food, she just needed a good shot of caffeine.

Which, by the time she got to it now, had been totally emptied out onto the floor.

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Okay, there you go. R&R Please, People! I want to know if people are reading this on here!


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